I wonder why it is that when I feel like I could post and talk about the past when I only have about fifteen minutes before I need to leave or be somewhere? Then, when I have an hour or four... I'm sort of like... stuck. Like I don't know myself. But I do know myself. Moments of clarity... a lifetime habit of ignoring.
Anyway, I have a flat tire and my honey is out of town. Thankfully, I have sweet co-workers willing to give me a lift into town. It's too hot to teach myself how to change a tire for real.
My mom's birthday is coming up on the 18th. Those are the times I wish I believed or believed more... or knew what I believed. It's so much less painful to just say I don't. Playing with those ideas is like sticking my hand in scalding water.
It's days that I have flat tires, no money, and a whiny attitude that I want her. But not her... the her I wanted her to be. That I want her to be.
I want to whine and laugh and cry with her and see a smile or hear an exaggerated "I'm on my way".
I hope my kids feel like they have that.